Wishful Thinking, Empty Promises, Promoting Myself, and Rejection

Photo by: Me, one of many selfies starring my beautiful flaws and featuring my herbal turmeric tea with chia seeds

As I'm thinking of what to type, my intuition is screaming "just keep it real" so that's what I'm gonna do. I was already a lover of music, as I briefly mentioned in "Who is Coco Couler?"…I connected with a DJ and decided to tap into the music world.

I don't know, man; it's interesting feeling like you're asking for help and wanting to be taught, feeling insecure, dealing with life's woes behind the scenes, but enjoying every minute of it, all at the same time. Regardless, I was so infatuated with observing and being supportive of who I was learning from that it came to a point where I decided that if I'm gonna do it, I might as well come into my own. What I will say is, I was afforded an opportunity or two…or three to open up for someone at a small, intimate hookah lounge, which I appreciated because it amplified where I needed improvement when it came to criticism. It's annoying how the first time can be so awkward, and dropping everything and walking away afterwards wasn't the answer either.

Anywho, once again I had to add those moments into my book of life lessons and I eventually tried to start coming into my own by meeting other DJ's, exchanging numbers, reached out to an agency for advice blah blah blah…but as a new female DJ (an attractive one at that; it might seem arrogant but I call it confidence) I cleaned up nice with concealer and lip gloss *especially with a wig. I don't care what anyone says…it can be difficult trying to put yourself out there in such a male-dominated industry, and by the time I was allowed to start as a wedding DJ, so much was going on in my personal life that I ended up sabotaging that too (but then again, maybe it wasn't meant for me to do yet).

Ultimately, nothing was solidified except the couler blends I mixed at home (which I loveee). Ironically enough, I've been rejected/ignored so many times that it barely fazes me anymore because life goes on, honey (maturity and growth are interesting), and now that I've been blessed with the opportunity to finish what I started and I'm back focused on other responsibilities, I feel like everything worked out exactly the way it was supposed to.